January 6th 2010 –
I woke up to an appalling reality. My eyes opened, unusually tired. I checked the
time. It was 3:45 AM – too early and unlikely for me to wake up.
I was excited for having gotten up so early. But that excitement didnt last for long. As soon as i came out of my room, I noticed dad & mom’s room with lights on.
Seeing that I headed in to greet them. It wasn't long after I entered the
room that my eye fell on Donzie – my dearest pet dog. I lowered a bit, intending to give him a
morning caressing, to pull his cheek and see his eyes that never failed to give that cute vulnerable
look. I lifted the quilt he was in, and before I could love him with my best heart, I saw something
that sent shivers down my spine. I got a body blow. That was an uneasy feeling.
I didnt want to believe what i saw. I just wished I was dreaming. But alas, I could see & I could feel, that he was
dead. His face had frozen, his jaws ice-cold, eyes open but lifeless. His nostrils were no longer
moving. They didnt have his breath. He wasn’t breathing. I was not used to seeing him like this. My
own cute kid, whom we had nourished with our own hands was seen dead in front of my eyes.
Donzie has left us forever. It was as if he had come to share some happiness with us for his life span
of 10 years, and then leave us crying for him. My baby has gone. I used to love him so much. He was
such a sweetheart dog. I would always enjoy spending time with him. I used to bring him to me,
make him sit and caress for long. And he used to wag his little tail in response. It was like he
understood me completely. I just had to give him a call, just a single call, “DONZIE !!” and he would
come running to me from any part of the house, get his share of love and then tip-toe away
childishly. Walking like a lion from one part of the house to another, he used to keep a tab on
everything. Always kept strangers at bay, intimidating them, intending to defend us. No one could
dare pop into the house in his presence.
For us he was not just a dog, but a family member. We never minded his sitting next to us. He would
enjoy sitting right in the middle of us all. He got all his love from everyone. He used to look ferocious
to others, but we knew he was as innocent as a kid, hungry for love and warmth.
His presence never let me feel alone at home even when others were out and he would make it a
point to keep following me wherever I went.
I still remember his childhood. The flashback of his first day in my house is still as fresh & clear as
glass. He was so tiny, as little as my palm. How worried I was about his care-taking. I didnt sleep his
whole first night at our house. I would keep putting him in his bed and he would, stubbornly come
out and jump around. So concerned I was about his food and his care.
I also remember how he used to hide himself behind the bed, or under the table , get stuck there
and then cry for help. We just used to laugh at him and his antics.
We would tie a dupatta with the fan and make him jump for it to get it. This used to go for many
minutes while we would enjoy seeing him jumping up and then falling down, just in order to prove
himself.
We trained him ourselves, taught him that he didnt have to litter in the house. We used to strike a
newspaper on his petite nose when he would get fresh in the house and he would come to us, trying
to bite, but helpless with his tiny new teeth that couldn’t harm. He learnt very fast. And it worked.
My kid was very intelligent.
He knew how to convey he was hungry by standing outside the kitchen with
a raised neck.
Till his last breath, he made it a point to keep it clean in the house, even though he couldn’t walk &
was in deep weakness.
We spent the best moments of our life with him. Cuddle him, snuggle with him, make him sleep
occasionally on my bed when he was still young, even though dad mom would object to it.
I never thought he could die. Didn’t even think of it ! Didn’t even want to !
Until he fell terminally ill and was declared incurable. The doctors told us he won’t survive for long.
We had spent the period thereafter in deep pain & misery. Watching him limp around, struggle to
make it from one place to another. He gave up food. He gave up barking. He didn’t care who came
home, or who left. He was losing life day by day. He would seldom walk. He stopped joining us
during the morning/evening tea, wherein he would get his share of bakery items, which he relished
& drooled for earlier, but had now even refused to smell.
He was literally dad’s beloved. Wagging his tail and following him everywhere. And dad never left
any stone unturned in making him feel extra-special. He used to get his car-rides too, sticking his
face outside the window, enjoying the wind & looking all around.
He was fun to watch in the park where he would meet his fellas and have a gala time with them. And
sometimes, running back home from the park without notice. He had the naughtiness that you could
love. He’d recognize me from a distance and coming running to meet me whenever I showed up. He
used to jump up on me, pressing his paws against my chest and I would kinda start doing ball dance
with him that he could never get & would fret over.
Those cute little eyes, that showered love with their looks still don’t escape me. That black & brown
face will live on in my mind forever.. That velvet touch of his skin, especially the face is what i’m
yearning to feel.
I did touch him last when he was in his grave. That nostalgic last touch, which I never wanted to end
filled up my heart. I knew that in a matter of few minutes, he'd be gone under the ground and I’d
never see him again. I wouldn't touch him again, wouldn't have him to play with me anymore. This thought
made my heart bleed. I am feeling so lonely, so lost.
How could I just leave my donzie out in cold ? Put sand on him with the same hand that once used to
protect him from bigger dogs and other risks ?
The same hands that used to pull his cheeck, fiddle with his flappy years, tickle him under his neck , bathed him, dressed him up in funny costumes, hug him, feed him, caress him, took him out for walks, cover him with quilt in winters, pat him & ensure his care-taking were now arranging to bury him far away in a lonely ground. He never stayed so away
from home in his life.
I now wonder who’ll greet me so lovingly when I come back home, who’ll wait for mom to come
back from Gurdwara so that she puts the karah prashad in his mouth, who’ll wait for dad to come in
the evening at go gaga on seeing him. The house is so silent now. No sound of my doggie now. None
of his footprints are around to be seen. In a reflex, I still expect him to barge into the room or stare
at me from the lobby or bark ocassionaly. I miss his sight & sound & touch.
He’s gone, but will live on forever. He has left a void in the house. He’ll never come back and it will
take time to come at terms with it. I still think i’m dreaming. A part of my heart died. I’m broken.
My Donjii, Can’t you just come again for just a while again ? I'm missing you so
much. I’m bereaved without you. Where are you? How are you ? What exactly happened ? Was it
tough to leave your body ? Do you have any complaints with our care ? why you fell so ill ? What
were you thinking at your death ? Why did you stop responding to my loving call ? Were you
helpless ? Was it tough ?
I wish you stay in peace wherever you are. You’ll be deeply missed. My heart’s crying. I’m dying to
meet you but am helpless. You died, I can’t believe, because you were lively and charming. How could
you go all numb in a matter of minutes ?? You’re my BABY. You did give me a raised eyebrow look a
few hours before going, but i never knew it would be the last.
I hope you’re in peace. Mom did paath sitting next to you when you were breathing your last. She
recited japji sahib. Dad joined later to do sukhmani sahib. I hope that helped, That relieved some
suffering and made it easy for you. I wish your soul rests in peace and you go under Waheguru’s
sanctuary & his blessings.
May you unite with the Supreme being and never fall into the cycle of birth & death again. This is my
wish. Thank you for spending your life with us. You gave us your life. We give you our love &
blessings. Thank you so much. We’ll miss you forever. God Bless you. RIP . Bye Donzie, Bye Forever.... I LOVE YOU....
This happened exactly a year ago. This account was written a year ago, yet the feelings are as fresh as those of a recent event.
